Yes, two sunny days in a row.

Sunny metaphorically, as well as sunny, as in outside the window.

After my little diarhea of the blog the other night, I’m starting to do things. Things that might help me out of this rut.

Well, after some gentle reminders from friends that I behave like a horse’s ass every. freaking. winter. I decided I’d try a few things to break the cycle this time. Instead of waiting for, well, summer.

This is good, because the simple act of saying to myself “Dammit, enough already, do something” is cathartic in itself. Deciding to decide. (which makes me the decider?) Example: my feet have been hurting. Being a fat guy is hard on shoes, they never last as long as I think they should. I think for the money they should last years. The shoes? They laugh at that, and say “look, Shamu, you weigh almost 300 pounds and we weigh 12 ounces. You do the math.” So I went to the store yesterday and tried on several pair of shoes and picked out some walking shoes that were middle priced and seemed to work for my feet.

And immediately felt guilty about spending the money, so they are still in the box while I decide if I really need shoes or if I’m just being greedy.

Okay, I didn’t say it was perfect, I said that deciding to do things helps my mood immensely. I feel better today.

Which brings me to the subject of this post. I tend to do this. Get excited, promise myself I’m going to make a change. Tell myself that this time, it’s different, I’ll actually change. Guess what? 43 years, and looking back I’m having a hard time finding times it has actually worked.

Yes, that’s the depression talking. Yes, these things take time, and yes, I’m being too hard on myself. Yes, yes, yes. It’s still my head that’s a mess, and it’s not gonna be mo better over night.

And what’s with using the Hitchhiker quotes for all these entries? Can’t I find something better?