depression

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Which of course isn’t true, it’s the middle of the day and I’m nowhere near San Francisco and to be totally honest it was raining but even that has stopped. Go ahead, just call me a liar. But I like the song.

Anyway, it’s been a fun day, so far, my daughter and I lifted weights for a bit this morning, I had a few cups of coffee, 2/3 of my kids are about to go to a birthday party and the last child thinks I’m a moron and isn’t speaking to me today. NFL playoffs are in full swing, and I need to run to the store to get a little junk food to offset all the salad and healthy crap I’ve been eating. We still have some beer left from last weekend (I’m all about moderation nowadays). My wife is enjoying a much-needed nap. It’s a good day.

I’ve started reading an excellent book, on the advice of a great friend, called The Noonday Demon, an Atlas of Depression, by Andrew Solomon. This is not an easy book to read, both for the subject matter and that it is definitely not a quick read designed for a single afternoon, but I think it is excellent. A quick glance at my tags or archives and anyone can see that I talk a lot about depression, in spite of living with it off and on most of my life I really don’t understand it much, in much the same way that I have driven hundreds of thousands of miles but couldn’t fix a carburetor or even name all it’s parts. This atlas is changing that, a little bit, and since I don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon I think I need to get a better understanding of what I face (and from the looks of it, what some other people in my life face) daily.

So, yeah, rambling. It’s a good day for it.

Almost time for me to drive younglings to their party, I hope everyone (or more realistically anyone who may be reading this anymore) is doing well.

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not pretty

Nothing worse than feeling sorry for yourself.

Today? Can’t seem to stop. Maybe it’s the rain. Maybe it’s my son screaming “I hate you!” repeatedly before school.

You might be next!

Maybe it’s the realizing how far I’m drifting from my wife. My kids. And thinking all the fucking therapy and happy thoughts aren’t worth shit today.

Maybe it’s just this stupid tuna salad I’m having for lunch.

It’s time to get the fuck over myself. Obviously.

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After a fairly decent weekend, everything gets tense as the kids realize they have school in the morning and the parents realize they have work and throw in a time change on top of it and, well, there you go.

Not sleepy, so I turned a movie on.

Hope y’all are well.

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ughly

Gee, after writing that yesterday (that one of my main goals is to try and understand and help my kids through their development, instead of just nagging them, in case you missed it), this morning truly sucked donkey balls.

This morning was the closest I’ve come to saying “Just fuck it,” and walking away from the whole mess, than I’ve been in a long, long time.

I don’t like that. I’ve got to change it.

But not right now, I have a pile of work to do. So here’s a puppy.

If you listen close, you can hear the puppy saying 'Cheer up, asshole!'

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