My wife tonite asked me a favor. (not that kind of favor, you pervs) She asked that I put gas in her van and check the air in her tires. She only asked this because yesterday when we were going to the swimming pool I commented that it looked like she might need air in one tire, and hey, the gas gauge is on empty. (not that I did anything about this at the time, but it’s my story so shut. up.)

So after dinner she’s rotating kids in and out of the tub and I head to get gas.

First thing I notice is it has gone beyond E and is now a certified E minus. Luckily the gas pumps are 1 mile away, at Sam’s.

Only, Sam’s “upgraded” their pumps yesterday. And now my card won’t work. Easy enough, I go in and get a new card. Yay! It only took 19.34 gallons. In a 20 gallon tank. As we say at the Bear house (no, it’s not big, and it’s only blue on the inside) “There was plenty left!”

But the tire mocked me. Because Sam’s, in order to keep costs down, doesn’t have an air pump. Not by the pump, not off in some far corner of the parking lot, nowhere. So I drive.

I come to a Chevron. Hey, look! They have an air pump. Pull up. It’s free! (bonus! said in Bill and/or Ted voice). But, there’s a problem. The (free) pump doesn’t push enough air to actually add any to the tire in question, and in fact I think the tire may be actually pumping air back into the pump. There’s so much racket I can’t really tell. Okaaaay, you get what you pay for. Back in the car.

Drive, and a short bit later another gas station appears! An Exxon. Pull around to the air pump, hop out and … the hose is missing. It’s just gone. No racket, no nothing, no hose. Impossible to do anything here, I drive on.

Now a Diamond Shamrock appears. Drive around. They have an air hose! But, it costs money. (this is part of my gripe, air used to be part of buying gas. Now, not so much) I only have one quarter and it wants two (“quarters only” it says helpfully, as I look at the 53 dimes and nickels in the change holder in the van). I go inside, and the helpful clerk (try not to think of Apu from the simpson’s, cuz he was nothing like that. Really.) said “Oh, I turn it on for you here,” and he pushes some button behind the counter and when I get back to the car the pump is happily churning away.

Lots of air this time, but the freakin chuck has a leak, and I can’t get it to seat on the tire. Again, tire not getting any air.. I drive on.

Now to a generic gas station that is on a high traffic intersection. Untold thousands of cars pass here every day. I pull around to the pump and… 75 cents! forget that. I’m a cheapskate. I’m old enough to remember free air and I’m not about to pay 75 cents for one freakin’ tire.

I drive on.

I come to a Texahell. Used to be a Texaco but now it’s a Shell. I have a soft spot for Texaco cuz fifteen years ago, when I could barely afford my car payments and food, I had a Texaco credit card that I could buy gas with and then make monthly payments. Yes, I bought gas and paid for it over time. But it was better than the alternative (giving up beer) so I sucked it up and they helped me. So I like to go to Texaco. Then a year or two ago they sold them all to Shell, which I’m ambivalent about. Anyway.

Texahell has an air pump. And it’s only 25 cents! And the hose works! Happy dance. Ten seconds later all the tires are at their proper pressure and I’m heading home.

Okay, now do you believe me — I have no life if I can find this exciting enough to blog about.