First of all, I spent some Quality Time with my dentist today, and dayum, my jaw is sore. If I’ve promised anybody a blow job? I’m sorry, that is totally out of the question. Ouch.

While I was chained to the chair (as he was warming up the chain saw) I saw video of Ms. Hilton leaving jail with a huge smile on her face as the world literally stopped turning to take her picture. Lemme just tell you right now how disappointed I’m gonna be if I get any less if I’m ever convicted of driving drunk.

Speaking of Paris, whom is pretty difficult to recognize without a penis in her mouth, here’s an old picture I realized I still had.