I desperately need to vent, to rant, to scream, to cry. All of this.
There is no space for it. Nothing safe. I can’t write what I want here, because it’s too public. I don’t have friends I can talk to about these things. I can’t afford a therapist. Facebook or twitter? More public.
What to do?
I do sometimes write pages of drivel and save it someplace safe. It’s rare that I put pen (or pencil) to paper any more, so electronic journals are about all I have. Snarky passive aggressive posts on social media bring a tiny amount of relief.
The whole ‘just keep swimming’ mantra gets pretty fucking old, when you are actually swimming backward.