I desperately need to vent, to rant, to scream, to cry. All of this.

There is no space for it. Nothing safe. I can’t write what I want here, because it’s too public. I don’t have friends I can talk to about these things. I can’t afford a therapist. Facebook or twitter? More public.

What to do?

I do sometimes write pages of drivel and save it someplace safe. It’s rare that I put pen (or pencil) to paper any more, so electronic journals are about all I have. Snarky passive aggressive posts on social media bring a tiny amount of relief.

The whole ‘just keep swimming’ mantra gets pretty fucking old, when you are actually swimming backward.