I could have sworn I already used this as a subject line, but if I did I couldn’t find it. Whatever, I’m gonna make you sit through yet another fabulous post on moi.

In one of the remakes of the Parent Trap (I think), the family plays a game of “High/Low” at dinner. This is where each person has to say the best thing and worst thing that has happened to them that day (high and low, of course). I don’t know why but the idea has always stuck with me.

Well, we don’t do that.

But some days I think about the idea, because my life is so fucking full of highs. So many things to be thankful for. I’m amazed every day by my brilliant kids, and how fortunate we are in health and life. I love watching them grow and seeing their personalities evolve and being a small part of it all. I’m happier now than I have been in a long, long time; I realize just how lucky I am.

There are some lows, and the biggest low for me is how badly I butchered that very same family. I miss my marriage. I hate that I now see the questions in my kid’s eyes about us, our family, our future. Everywhere we turn there are reminders about divorce or separation or affairs or whatever. My wife doesn’t question so much now, I think she has made up her mind. Yeah, that’s the hard part, knowing how badly I have hurt my wonderful family, and knowing that I can’t fix it.

I’m smiling lots now. I have a ton to be thankful for. The good things help me to forget the things I cry about when nobody is looking.