Words on a page are about all I have here. Well, that isn’t entirely correct. I can post pictures, or a link to something else. Then of course it is up to whomever is reading to interpret the words, pictures, and links. And that is the very thing that makes me hesitate to post.

I know what I want to say, but frequently I absolutely suck at getting that “thing” across in words. Or pictures. And I worry that someone will read here and focus on one tiny little part of what I write and think that is everything. Like the blind men and the elephant.

I write as a release. That’s all.

This road I’ve started on has got to be the single hardest thing I have ever done. Of course, not just for me, it is hard if not harder for my family. Time will tell if this is the right path to take, the better path, or the lesser of two evils, or just what the fuck it is.

I’m realizing now what it is to be alone.

I have friends, but they are all at the other end of the internet. Again, words and pictures are all we share. Sometimes it’s enough. Sometimes it’s not. I need to learn to just be me, to rely on just me. That may be the hardest part of all this.

One thing that helps is to read cheesy motivational stuff, like this:

Oh and we need a couple more movie quotes:

Looks like I picked a bad week to quit sniffing glue.

and how about

Westley: Where am I?

The Albino: [raspy voice] The Pit of Despair! Don’t even think…
[clears throat]

The Albino: … don’t even think about trying to escape. The chains are far too thick. Don’t dream of being rescued, either; the only way in is secret. Only the Prince, the Count, and I know how to get in and out.

Westley: So I’m here till I die?

The Albino: Until they kill you, yeah.

Westley: Then why bother curing me?

The Albino: Well, the Prince and Count always insist on everyone being healthy before they’re broken.