The other day we’re singing in church, a song that we don’t sing very often but I used to back when I was a kid, and for a minute I had the calmest feeling come over me.

And as I’m writing this I’m tempted to write something like “intensely calm” because it was that much of a departure from the way I normally am.

And then I started overthinking it and wondering “I wonder if this is what it’s like for other people? Is this is how church is supposed to make you feel?”

And then it was gone, and I was back to normal, whatever that is. My usual self, full of doubts and worries and fears and horrible black oily stuff that – oh, wait, no, that was on a movie I saw. Anyway, my usual self.

The self that I pretty much hate. But I’m thinking maybe if I keep going to church for another 40 years, I’ll get a moment like that again.

We’ll see.