Am I in a funk? Is this depression, or am I just pissed off at the world?
Am I? Am I denying it? Is it ‘something else?’
Just heard this, nodding along…
When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you’re sure you’ve had enough of this life, well hang on
Don’t let yourself go, ’cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong. Now it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you’ve had too much of this life, well hang on
‘Cause everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don’t throw your hand. Oh, no. Don’t throw your hand
If you feel like you’re alone, no, no, no, you are not alone
If you’re on your own in this life, the days and nights are long,
When you think you’ve had too much of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone
Yay. I’m not alone. Get over it. We all have our tough days. Fuck me.
So, what do I do?
Ask for meds? (doctor: “sure! Here ya go. You’ll get fatter, but that’s okay, you won’t live much past fifty anyway, considering you are ‘morbidly obese’ already. Don’t worry about the loss of your sex drive, your wife will thank me. It’s not like you’re using it anyway. Might as well be happy about it all.”) Where does the extra $100 a month come from for that? Oh, I know – quit buying those $10 jugs of wine.
Here’s one – exercise! Go out, breath the fresh air! Yeah. Like that’s worked a lot. (me: “1,000 miles of running and still FAT. Oh, and I can barely walk today, again, thanks to the two miles I dared run this morning. Stoopid fucking body.”)
How about eat better! Yeah, well, I could do that. Put that one on the list.
Sleep more! No, all I do is sleep. Not sure when “more” could happen.
I’m sick of myself. Everyone else is, too.
Gotta get over myself.
Fuck this shit.
You need a vacation. A change of scenery. You are more than welcome to hang out with me in Maryland. I’ll even take you on my 5 cent tour of Washington DC.
Whooo lawdy I think we live the same life (except I’m no fool. I will never run. Even if my body could mechanically, I just don’t have it in me. Other sports, yeah. Running – not so much.)
Fuck it is right.
Kris’s last blog post..So that’s what 5 a.m. looks like!