I’ve been putting this little talk off for a while, but I think it’s
time I said what’s on my mind. I’ve thought about it long and hard,
and I don’t think it’s me – it’s you.

I’m talking to you, calf, because I’m really tired of your nonsense.
We’ve been together a long time, and I’m really attached to you, but
c’mon – you need to be pulling more of your own weight.

So what if I ran a few miles, so what if I’m a couple of cheeseburgers
overweight. I warned you, you knew this was coming. But for you to
suddenly start acting like a spoiled child (“I’m gonna take my ball
and go HOME”) is totally unacceptable. You don’t see your brother
acting like that, do you?

Buck up, mister. I need to get back out there and run again, for my
mental health as much as anything.