Yeah, ramblin’, scramblin’
Tryin’ to get my mind untangled
But I never seen nothing in the whole wide world
That’ll give you more trouble than tryin’ to love a girl.

Like most everybody I’ve had bad luck
You know I’ve been down and out and didn’t have a buck
I’ve been hired and fired, loved and mistrusted
Three or four women left me busted

Took my money
Took my lovin’ (yodel) who hoo hooo
Took my toothpaste too.

First went ramblin’ a few years ago
Some fool woman she tried to tell me NO
I had an old leather bag, it wasn’t even mine
Had a heart full of sorrow and a tangled up mind.
She done it
She kept squeezing toothpaste in my ear
said I couldn’t leave

took three or four steps backwards
and gave her a drop-kick right in the crotch
Whew

Her eyes lit up and said oh you’re leaving
yeah.

CHORUS

Yeah I headed for New Orleans Louisiana
An all night drinking and jazz piano
That music in the air’ll set your toes a tappin
But them huzzlin women sent me packing lickity split

I split

Met a gal down there that said she came from way out west
She said she could roll a cigarette with just one hand
She proved it
She rolled me with the other.

CHORUS

Yeah I grabbed my bag I had my hat in my hand
I took the advice to go west young man
I figured now I had finally learned my lesson
Me and women weren’t messin
Met another un
Wasn’t too good lookin
But…Jugs…whew

I’m not saying she’s a big chick or anything
One time I did ask what size bra she wore
She said 6 and 7/8
I said “My God Whatcha measurin with?”
She said, “Stetson.” Whew!

CHORUS

Yeah when I got to California
I figgered it was time I headed my way
She was talking about us and havin a home
I was talking about us and livin in Uncle Henry’s basement
She said what
Said she didn’t understand

Proceded to take 3 or 4 step backwards
And give her a dropkick right in the croth
I said Honey I believe in treatin women gentle
But first you gotta get their attention.

CHORUS

Yeah the same thing’s happened over again
Every time I meet a woman she tries to pin you in
Found the only way to handle a woman
is keep your bag packed keep movin stepping lightly
Eyed forward, proud, determined, masculine
Probably get horny

Can’t live with em can’t live without em
That why I write so many of these weird songs, I guess.

CHORUS