FYI:

When you get an e-mail with the subject Your Verizon Online DSL Is Ready

and stuff like

“Don’t wait another minute! Set up your DSL service today and make this the last day you have to use dial-up. You’ll be exploring more, downloading more and achieving more online with your new DSL connection.”

Um, not really.

Hint: go online using your other computer as soon as you can, and dig around to find the 800 number, call it, hit the 37.2 different prompts to tell them your operating system and such, then tell the nice lady your phone number, and let her check everything and finally tell you that what the e-mail really meant was on February 2 it will be ready. After 6:00 PM.