When I was in high school, Pat Benatar had the hit song. We used to sing it, with relish, because we were angst-ridden teenagers that thought for some reason the world owed us something, that we were somehow special in our feeling messed up. We imagined we were hurt somehow.
They cry in the dark, so you can’t see their tears
They hide in the light, so you can’t see their fears
Forgive and forget, all the while
Love and pain become one and the same
In the eyes of a wounded child
Now, over the years, I have grown a little. (you, in the back? Shut. UP. I have too.) I understand that there is a serious problem of parents not protecting their children. Or of actually harming their children. Often, the reasons are complex. Is there ever a single, defining moment when a parent decides it is okay to beat up their child? Or worse?
I’m sure many of you have read of the Plano, TX mom that cut her child’s arms off. The child died a short time later. Why would somebody do this? Because they are depressed? Was she ‘on something’? Was she corrupted by watching too much television? This was her baby, her third child.
Now, as awful as that is. As horrible as it is to try and grasp a mom that would do this, would even think of doing this, I don’t think this will stop it from happening again. As much as you and I recoil at the news, there are other parents that it will not reach. The woman’s husband does not understand why they took away his kids. Although the night before this happened, his wife referenced a Biblical scripture and told him she wanted to ‘give her children to God.’ This didn’t bother him, much, but then for some reason he had the day care center call to check on her the next day, and they called 911.
See? There is no way I can grasp this kind of behavior. I can be all intellectual and say there were chemical imbalances in the brain, or ‘special circumstances’ and maybe dad thought his scripture quoting wife meant something else when she said she wanted to give the kids to god. I dunno. CPS says he didn’t protect his infant, so they took his older kids as a precaution. Odds are good he’ll get them back, but not before a thorough investigation (since the spotlight is now upon the case).
My oldest came to live here because his mom was deemed “at risk” of neglect or abuse. Her husband had left her and remarried, she had a history of mental problems, and she seemed unable to care for the child – had no formula, wouldn’t take him for doctor’s appointments, not dressing him appropriately for winter weather, etc. The agency watched her through the pregnancy to make sure she had adequate health care, and then visited frequently (every few days) after the baby was born to check on them. He spent many weeks at an aunt’s house, and after mom got him back, a couple of weeks later they pulled him, and he was on his way to my house after a stop at Wal-mart for diapers and formula. He was twelve weeks old.
The difference from the woman in Plano is CPS stayed on the case for my son. In Plano, In January when the baby was just six days old, her mom left her home alone in the apartment, and CPS found out, and they opened a case. After seven months they decided she did not ‘pose a risk’ to her children. Oops.
I don’t want to blame this failure on budget cuts, but have you seen the case load at Family Services lately? I have, and it ain’t pretty.
Note: regarding the current state of Texas family services, there is a great article at the Fort Worth Star Telegram that just touches on it. You can find it here, but you have to sign up (it’s free!) or e-mail me and I’ll send you the text. This isn’t a science article, or even investigative journalism, it’s talking to some of the advocates for child safety with some numbers about our system. For example, the average case load for a worker is now 61. Child advocates nationwide recommend about 12. Five or six years ago it was 27 here in texas. Also, funding has been cut and almost all of the preventive programs (things that try and help parents BEFORE they become abusive) have been cut entirely. If I were political, I’d remind you that this is the same legislature that supports George Bush so highly and exactly what he wants to do to our federal programs, but I’m not so I won’t.