parents

So my wife left five hours ago to go help clean up her dad’s place. She’s teaming up with a sister or two and they hope to box everything, throw out trash, etc and then somebody will rent a truck or something and move everything to storage. Her dad will never see his house again; he is in too much pain to travel the 90 some-odd miles to get there.

Well, he just called. Thursday is his day for chemo. He said today he asked his doctor for a prognosis. His doctor looked him in the eye and said “Bad.” The only thing they can do is limit the pain, the cancer is in the bone (spine). No recovery, no nothing. Just try not to have him hurting so much.

“Well, that’s the bad news. The good news is, the house sold.”

He then launched into ten minutes of talking about his estate - they close in about four weeks. He doesn’t really care what happens to the stuff, he doesn’t want anything. Invest the money to support his ex-wife for as long as possible. “Just remember, the movers charge by the pound, and the mile. So every pound you throw away, it’s that much longer that you can support your mother-in-law.”

He finished up by telling me I was the best thing to happen to his daughter and his family, and not to feel one bit sorry for him since he’s lived a long roller coaster life and enjoyed almost all of it. Then he goes “So, may I speak to my daughter, please?”

“Well, she’s not here, she went to pack up your house.”

“Oh, okay, well, some other time then. I’m going to bed now, I’m exhausted. Good nite.”

So what the fuck am I supposed to do? I tried calling her cell and her sister’s house, no luck. I think I picked a bad week to quit drinking.

The kids wonder why I sit at the computer and cry so much.

Update, next morning: I talked with my wife a bit ago, she (on the outside at least) is not at all upset by anything that has happened. Apparently her dad called her sister and “was very mean” to her, so they’re all acting like, “whatever.”

*SIGH*

I do wish to thank everyone for their support (public and private), it means a lot. As if you couldn’t tell I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this, so you’re stuck with it. I will try and keep a stiff upper lip for the weekend, at least. Thanks.

Hmmm.. well, Fathers Day is here. This is a strange day, for most of the last forty years or so I haven’t really paid much attention to it. This year it’s on my mind perhaps a little more than most for a couple of reasons.

First, my wife’s dad is sick, really sick, and we don’t know enough about what’s going on. We know it’s cancer, we know he’s trying to fight it, but he and we are realists enough to know the chances aren’t great. I saw him last week, I’ll see him in a couple more, but I can’t help but think about him every day. I sometimes wish we could trade places, I wonder if my wife would rather have her dad instead of me (huge guilt-ridden thought but it comes to mind a lot).

Second, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs lately, and a lot of blogs in the particular theme of having kids or having difficulty having kids or something like that. I’m blessed to have three kids, yes I am. Not a minute goes by that I don’t see that. But I beat myself up over being a failure in that they aren’t my offspring. Hows that for a big word? No, I can’t have kids and I’m still paying on the pile of medical bills and heartache that go along with finding that out for sure. For years we tried (and tried and tried) and when all the normal ways of getting pregnant didn’t work, and all the wives tales of what to eat or what not to wear or whatever didn’t work, we went to the doctors and had surgeries and cried and sometimes laughed at what we were doing and eventually sort of laid down in despair and said “it ain’t gonna happen.” And I frequently beat myself that I couldn’t give my wife the one thing that she really wanted, which was to have a child of her own. I joke and I project and I change the subject and I do all kinds of things to stay away from that painful part of my life; that’s why this blog must remain anonymous since friends and family don’t even know what we’ve been through and to bring it up or talk about it (or even write, say, anonymously in a blog about it) just brings up all the pain and tears again.

We now have children. Of our own. Except they had other mommies and daddies first; mommies and daddies that now don’t have their little blessings and have let us have them forever. And I think of their mommies and daddies a lot, especially on days like Mothers Day and Fathers Day or Christmas or sometimes just because it’s Tuesday or Friday.

Happy Fathers Day, y’all.

Lee has an excellent post about being the Daddy and having “mommy envy.” Thanks to Genuine for the heads up.

Reflecting on my situation, I guess I have it better than some. I live close to work in a fairly small town. It changes from time to time, but right now my wife has to be at work before I do so I get the kids up and dressed, try and get them to eat something semi-healthy (what we need is Skittles cereal) and take them to school or day care. In the afternoon about half the time I pick them up. My wife and I each juggle the soccer practices and other meetings and things.

So this morning I was thinking that what could have been a ten or fifteen minute drive to work turned into an hour of driving back and forth (forgot something) and smiling and giving status updates to teachers and sitters and double checking that I left the kids in the right place with the right lunch and I was being pretty hard on myself and thinking “will it ever end?” Now after reading some other comments on this, perhaps I should relax a bit and not be in a hurry for it to end.

They do grow up, fast.