After reviewing exit polls revealing that “values” and “moral issues” were foremost in the voters’ minds, Ms. Hilton shelved her plans for a new sex tape and began exploring the feasibility of starring in a faith-based tape instead. “In the past, when people have heard the name ‘Paris Hilton’ they’ve thought ‘spoiled sexpot,’” Ms. Hilton said at a press conference today. “From now on, when they hear ‘Paris Hilton’ they’re going to think ‘spoiled opponent of gay marriage.’”