Texas and whacko liquor laws

Pay attention, there may be a quiz:

  • In my county, you can buy liquor, beer, and wine.
  • You can’t do that in all counties in Texas.
  • You must buy liquor from a licensed liquor store.
  • The state sets the hours for liquor stores. They close at 9:00.
  • You can buy beer and wine at liquor stores, too.
  • you can buy beer and wine at grocery stores, and they are open later.
  • Beer and wine may be purchased until midnite.
  • If you buy a drink at a restaurant or bar, you can buy one until 1:00 AM.
  • In some counties, you cannot buy liquor, but you can still buy beer and wine. These counties often have huge beer stores, built with the purpose of being converted overnight to liquor stores if the county ever votes to go wet.
  • I used to live in a town where you could buy beer at the grocery store but not wine. The alcohol content of wine was too high for the city ordinance.
  • However, in this same town, you could visit countless topless bars. And some bottomless ones, too.
  • State laws prevent full nudity in a place that has a liquor license, so to get around this some bars are “BYOB” and they charge you a cover charge and for set ups, then let you see all nekkid women.
  • In the top ten venues selling alcohol in Texas, you can always count on at least six or seven topless clubs. The rest are usually Dave and Buster’s and sports bars.
  • Our town has one topless club. Many residents think that is too many.
  • Some counties you have to join a “club” to drink. This is a quaint idea that dates back to frontier days. Back then, everyone who wanted to drink in a particular town brought their own booze to the saloon where they were a member. Then it was served back to them when they came to eat. Over the years, bars took advantage of this, and each restaurant had their own membership cards – you could have ten or more so that you could drink when you went out to eat. They would cost you five dollars a year.
    Then some lawyers found loopholes in the law that allowed the “unicard” – where you signed up once and the card was good at several different establishments.
    There really is a membership roll and it’s all legal with “wheras” and such in it.

  • Plano is like this.
  • On our wedding night, we went to a Bennigans after our reception (since naturally we didn’t get to eat anything, we were busy shaking hands). I didn’t have a card but wanted a beer.
  • We didn’t live in Plano. We lived in the strange town where you couldn’t buy wine at the store but didn’t need a silly card to buy a drink at a restaurant.
  • The waitress let me buy a beer. She used her own membership card so I didn’t have to join.
  • I really have no need for Frontier Day laws. They just don’t make sense.
  • I’m out of beer, and wine. And ya know, the liquor cabinet just isn’t very well stocked either.
  • What time is it?