Wizard Widower

In case you’ve been out of the planet, you know that the final book in the Potter saga is to be released at midnite tonite.

My wife will probably be at the store at midnite to pick up a copy, if not, certainly she’ll be there by dawn tomorrow. Then, naturally, she’ll want to read it.

This is not in any way a bad thing, it just means she’ll like a day or two of quiet time, so I’ll be left entertaining the kids in my own (unremarkable) way, and they’ll be all “why can’t we go bother mommy?” for a time.

And sadly, it isn’t the kind of thing that will make my wife want to fuck like bunnies, unlike Pitt / Jolie movies.

Is “Petrificus Totalus” like Viagra?

Totally fake Harry Potter plots

I am making this up. If one or more of these things happen, don’t come looking at me, it’s a total coincidence.

  1. Hermione and Ron get pregnant (by accident), and have to quit studying magic to work at muggledane jobs in a bookstore to support their growing family, dealing with tons of fans (of some novel) that line up for three days before it is released to get their copy early.
  2. Snape meets a muggle model through Match.Com and suddenly smiles a LOT more.
  3. Harry discovers the internet, and neglects his studies in order to build readership on his seventeen blogs. His grades suffer, his friends never see him anymore, and even the Dursleys decide he has become rather ordinary.
  4. Hogwarts is chosen as the site for a new reality-based series, “Raise My Wand,” which is set to air on Showtime after-hours. Voldemort is voted out of the castle in the first round. The Dementors keep attacking the judges, which slows production immensely. The internet buzzes with folks that are either for or against Hermione, claiming she is too young to be in this kind of trashy show.
  5. (for the benefit of my legions of Google-based readers): The freaky guy with one eye that swivels around finally shows his boobies.
  6. The young wizards learn that Filch has been selling off Hogwarts artifacts on ebay, but only after he retires to Australia with his boyfriend Hagrid.

which one are you

Are you the one standing with the microphone, saying “C’mon, everybody has to sing a song!,”

or the person trying to look invisible on the couch, saying quietly to whomever is nearby that you are not nearly drunk enough for karaoke?