CNN.com – Review: ‘Polar Express’ a creepy ride – Nov 10, 2004: “Santa Claus gets his very own category of creepy. In an overzealous effort to make Saint Nick look like he has some kind of benevolent inner glow, the filmmakers make him look downright radioactive. It’s enough to make you want to skip the milk and cookies and don rubber gloves and protective clothing on Christmas Eve.”
Hmmm.
I am all better! Really! I’m trying to write with exclamation points, since it makes all my friends seem perky!
And, seriously, I am one fucking perky guy!
Here’s a joke or two to show you that I’m feeling hunky-dory:
“Let me tell ya, you gotta feel bad for John Kerry. Just think he came this close to finally getting his own house.” –Jay Leno
“That’s what they say, Arafat may be brain dead. That has to be demoralizing to his people, huh? You’re leader is brain dead. Thank God that could never happen here.” –Jay Leno
“Did you see how happy President Bush was yesterday when he found out he won? Man he couldn’t decide whether he should give a victory speech or announce the invasion of Iran.” –Jay Leno
“In fact, the GOP did so well, the only Republican without a mandate: Dick Cheney’s daughter.” –Jay Leno
“Democrats and liberals, stop saying you’re going to move because Bush won. Real liberals should be pledging to stay because Bush won. Trust me, you can’t get away from Bush by moving to France because that’s where we’re invading next.” –Bill Maher
And look! Here’s me getting ready for work this morning!
My landlady treats me like I don’t pay my rent
Gave my car to my mechanic, I ain’t seen it since
My phone is always ringing, when I want to be alone
They try and sell me everything from Heaven to cologne
Everybody’s got an offer I can’t refuse
It’s a circus out here mama, Your baby’s got the sideshow bluesIt’s all a big commercial, It’s a video of man
It’s a plot to put an end to my attention span
They make up all these issues, I never understood
If I thought I could change things I’d run out to Hollywood
But it’s hard to kick the door down wearing seven dollar shoes
It’s a circus out here mama, Your baby’s got the sideshow bluesI’ve got them sideshow blues
I want to tame the lions
These center ring rich kids ain’t even trying
From college to the big top they take the best positions
While I’m out in this tent with these freaks and musicians
While I’m out in this tent with these freaks and musicians
I’m moaning them sideshow bluesI try to tell my girlfriend she’s the only one that I’ve got
This chick I hardly knows keeps on telling her she’s not
She got a loaded pistol, she waves it all the time
Says some times you gotta kill a boy to keep his ass in line
Well that’s the way she sees it, she says she saw it on the news
It’s a circus out here mama, Your baby’s got the sideshow bluesSee people play satanic records, and you don’t know when they’ll freak
From quiet kid to maniac to movie of the week
We’re killing over cocaine, dying over sex
We’re bowing down and praying to who ever cuts the check
When I go to church on Sunday, I can’t help sleep in the pews (that’s what I do)
It’s a circus out here mama, Your baby’s got the sideshow blues
It’s a circus out here mama, Your baby’s got the sideshow blues
It’s a circus out here mama, Your baby’s got the sideshow bluesIt’s a circus people…Step Right Up!