PARIS HILTON MAKES FAITH-BASED TAPE

After reviewing exit polls revealing that “values” and “moral issues” were foremost in the voters’ minds, Ms. Hilton shelved her plans for a new sex tape and began exploring the feasibility of starring in a faith-based tape instead. “In the past, when people have heard the name ‘Paris Hilton’ they’ve thought ‘spoiled sexpot,’” Ms. Hilton said at a press conference today. “From now on, when they hear ‘Paris Hilton’ they’re going to think ‘spoiled opponent of gay marriage.’”

Random quotes.

You do not destroy an idea by killing people; you replace it with a better one. -Edward Keating

Dear God. We paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.
-Bart Simpson saying grace

Kill a man, and you are an assassin. Kill millions of men, and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone, and you are a god.
-Jean Rostand

Hobbes: How come we play war and not peace?
Calvin: Too few role models.

A man of quality doesn’t fear a woman of equality.
-Christina Aguilera

Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call to her tribunal every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.
-Thomas Jefferson