“A newt?”

“I got better.”

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words after my lame-o post this afternoon. I went out and found some “Shock the Chunky Monkey,” which is a new Ben and Jerry’s flavor with little chunks of chocolate-coated Prozac, swirls of caramel, and banana ice cream. It’s da bomb!

Seriously, folks, if I had some Ben and Jerry’s I’d be eating it with two hands and unnabll two tiiiype.

Heh.

Oh, and I might be depressed! Lookie what I found:

The symptoms of depression include:

  1. lowered mood, feelings of sadness or emptiness
  2. changes in sleep
    Depressed people may have difficulty falling asleep and typically wake up in the middle of the night and have difficulty resuming sleep. Depressed people may also find they wake early in the morning and can’t resume sleep. Other depressed people find that they are sleeper longer than is usual for them at night or that they are having increased sleep during the daytime.
  3. marked increase or decrease in appetite and associated weight loss or weight gain
  4. thoughts of self harm or suicide
  5. decreased motivation
  6. lack of energy
  7. thoughts of uselessness, worthlessness, hopelessness or inappropriate guilt
  8. feeling agitated or slowed down
  9. poor concentration and memory and difficulty making decisions
  10. decreased enjoyment of or loss of interest in activities previously found pleasurable or important such as work, hobbies, sport

And seeing as how I’m pretty much 10 for 10 my quarterback rating is now 3.6 RBI. That means I may already be a winner, and your mileage may vary. Void where prohibited.

A serious funk.

Okay, I’ve been down for too long. This just sucks. (eloquent, ain’t I?) I’m hoping maybe if I just make a stupid list I can start to get over myself already. So, in an effort to either a)wallow deeper or b)pull myself up by the bootstraps (whatever they are), I’ve made a list of shit that I’m unhappy about. (don’t click if you’re happy, well adjusted, or just having a good day, long and depressing self-despair kinda post to follow. You’ve been warned.)



here’s what’s bugging me:

  • Four more years.
  • Money trouble (I never have enough)
  • Wife hates me
  • Kids only slightly better
  • I’m fat
  • I’m lazy
  • I like ice cream and beer. Too much (see above)
  • Can’t get motivated at work.
  • Job in Iraq wants somebody who is “highly skilled.” Does that mean “Willing to go to a war zone,” or something more? I can waste government money as well as the next person, if not better. This is a personality trait, not necessarily a skill.
  • Church bugs me. Why do we I go?
  • I’ve pissed off 9/10ths of my family, who are Republican, enough that I don’t feel like going to see them for the holidays. They probably don’t want to see me.
  • Bah.
  • My wife suggested counseling but we can’t even talk enough to figure out when and where we should go.
  • Writing this list is not making me feel any better.
  • I’m out of beer, and wine. But not whiskey. Er, bourbon, sorry, I’m “civilized” or someshit like that.
  • Humbug.
  • I am for sure out of Ben and Jerry’s. Still fat, though.
  • I have one soccer game left for the season. It’s the playoffs. We haven’t won any games, but like the special olympics, we get to try in the playoffs anyway. Is that messed up or what? I can’t decide if I should play in the spring, I love to go and run, but it drives my wife batshit to try and deal with the kids while I’m gone. Add to that I’m not really terribly good at playing soccer, I just like it (I’m old, slow, fat, lazy, see above)
    In the interest of preserving the peace, I shouldn’t play. Is that what I really want to do? Or do I just like going to the game cuz it drives my wife nuts? I could tell her I’m playing soccer and go drink beer for an hour instead. Hmm.
  • I want to crawl into bed and stay there.
  • I want to run around and jump and scream and kick and punch.
  • It bugs me that I can’t do both of these at the same time. Maybe I’m not being creative enough.
  • I write blog entries instead of working. That can’t be good.
  • I should stick to posting funny pictures and jokes. Nothing good can come of the wallowing.
  • Hey, lot’s of “I” statements. That’s good, isn’t it? At least I’m not blaming everything on somebody else. Maybe that’s a start.


make it stop!