The questions remain, after all that has happened:

Have I learned anything?  Can I live my life differently now?  Will I fall into the same patterns, routines, habits that got me to where I was in the first place?

Is all my so-called soul searching going to turn out to have been a waste of time, when I just go ahead and act like I always have?  (Who’s in charge here? Where’s my captains wafers?)

Why am I talking about this today? Because for all my best intentions, I find myself, mentally, back where I was over a year ago, feeling like my needs must take a back seat to another’s. I’m not throwing my hands up and giving up the fight, not by any means, but I am appreciating just how fucking hard it is to enact real change.

Every day, hell, every interaction, is a chance to make things new, make things different; I must keep this in mind. I must fight the good fight.

Well, this post didn’t go anywhere near what I planned to write today.

Compassion, as I have said, is key. I’m sure of it, I just need to learn how to have more of it. I’ll try and write more articulately about that more in the future.

This.

…whether we believe in Buddha or God, or follow some other religion or none at all, as long as we have compassion for others and conduct ourselves with restraint out of a sense of responsibility, there is no doubt we will be happy.