And tired always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, “Well I am just sick,” and I said “And tired.” I don’t remember anything after that. ~ Cosby
I dreamed up a big blog entry about my state of mind, and then it turned into a kinda thesis on depression, then I thought maybe I should just not write anything, then I thought I’d post something funny, and then…
Fuck it.
I’m tired of this on again / off again depression. I’m sure my family is beyond sick of it.
Nutshell: Depression, for me, means not being able to find pleasure in anything. I can’t enjoy my kids, my wife, my work, my life. Stock market up? Big fucking deal, it’s gonna crash again tomorrow. The sun is out? Too hot, and we need rain. It’s raining? Well, shit, feels like we never see the sun.
It’s endless. But then, there are good days, mixed in, where I see beauty and realize maybe there is a purpose to life and think there might even be a happily ever after.
(just in case you were wondering, today isn’t one of those days)
I’m coping, but far from thriving. I’m lacking in so many areas it isn’t funny, and it’s spreading to my home. I feel like what’s-her-name on Xmen that kills with a touch, I’m feeling pretty toxic.
Gee, aren’t you glad you stopped by today? You’re welcome 🙂 It’s just part of the service we are unhappy to provide. And I’ve gone and done exactly what I didn’t need to do, which is whine again about feeling depressed. Like that ever does any good.
I understand. I realized recently how pathetic it sounds when I say to my husband, “You know what? I actually had a semi-good day today.”
Uh…shouldn’t the majority of our days be better than “semi good”?