We all know that kids live for routine. They do not like to have their little lives disrupted, even for good things.

My kids take that to an extreme. Do not fuck with my kids bedtime or wake-up time, or you will be paying for a long time.

We were reminded of this, again, during our vacation. My oldest can be cranky in the morning, true, but he took this to new heights as he lay screaming in a hotel parking lot in Lafayette.

The evening before, he filled a medium sized Wendy’s cup. With urine. I know exactly when it happened because everyone in the back 2/3 of the van erupted in laughter at the same moment. Dad gave his usual “we have bathrooms for a reason” speech. They didn’t care.

Why was he doing this? I wouldn’t find him a pair of MJ’s at the Nike store in Gulfport. Not for lack of trying, they simply didn’t have any in his size (he does not wish to comprehend the meaning of the word “outlet.”) He doesn’t need shoes, not six weeks before school starts – they’ll be ruined before August even gets here. These things don’t make sense to him, and sadly, I was lacking the capacity to explain them. I was tired from being on the road and dealing with his siblings (“I’m hungry! I’m thirsty! I’m bored!”)

Yeah, it’s a real blast travelling with us. Bring earplugs.