Being an anonymous poster allows you to post things you’d never post on your own blog: like how much of a complete idiot you are. Erin posted a lovely post about needing her sheets changed…heh…and it reminded me of something that happened a month or so ago.
Man: Poison Control, how can I help you?
Me: Umm…hi…my daughter sort of ingested something that I’m not sure she should have and I’m wondering if she’s going to drop dead or just be sick or what…
Man: Okay, what exactly did she take?
Me: Ummmmm…..lube….
Man: You mean like lubrication for doors and cars? Motor oil or similar?
Me: Ummm….more like…personal…..lubrication…
Man: You mean like a douche?
Me: No, I mean like….ummm…KY.
It was at this point that the man on the other end told me to hold for a moment. After two minutes of holding and watching my daughter to make sure she didn’t drop into seizures, he came back on the line.
Man: Okay ma’m (doesn’t that make you feel old? I know it’s just polite, but it makes me feel extremely ancient) I just double-checked with my supervisor because we didn’t have that information immediately available (what, are we the only idiots who leave the KY right next to the bed for easy access?) but we believe she’ll just have some slight diarrhea and that should be all.
The underlying tone of his voice was this: Ma’m…don’t be an idiot and leave your sexual toys or their lubrication out when you have children. We know your son found your vibrator and thought it was a spaceship, but now the KY incident is too much and has forced us to call DCF on you.
He REALLY said: Have a nice day.
Oh yeah! Kinda like the time I called Poison Control (six years ago) after I found the back end of a half-eaten palmetto bug writhing on my carpet. I found one of its legs stuck to my oldest child’s mouth (she was 16 months old), and we had just had the exterminator there that morning. The guy told me the EXACT. SAME. THING. ‘Maybe some diarrhea.’ GAH!!
Too funny!