• “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle… and your first and second cousin, your nephew…”
• “Houston, we have a ‘possum.”
• “What does it feel like? Kind of like sticking your fingers in warm chicken fried steak with gravy.”
• “You had me at ‘Sooooey!'”
• “We’ll always have Wal-Mart.”
• “You’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you, Uncle Ed?”
• “I… see… Black people.”
• “Are you CRYING? There’s no crying in NASCAR!”
• “Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull her ’68 Rambler into mine.”
• “I feel the need… the need for sheep.”
• “Use the horse, Luke!”
• “I ate his ribs… with some pinto beans and a shot o’ Jack Daniel’s.”
• “Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good tractor pull, kid.”
• “I know what you’re thinking… did he fire six shots or only five? Well, hell if I know! You KNOW I cain’t count no higher’n three since the chainsaw accident!”
• “My daddy always said, ‘Life is like a ten-dollar hooker — you never know what you’re gonna’ get.'”
• “You want a tooth?! You can’t HANDLE a tooth!!”