From the series “Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy”:
Charming man. I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry one…
“I refuse to prove that I exist,” says God, “for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.”
“But,” say Man, “the Babel fish is a dead giveaway, isn’t it? It could not have evolved by chance. It proves you exist, and so therefore, by your own arguments, you don’t. QED.”
“Oh dear,” says God, “I hadn’t though of that” and promply vanishes in a puff of logic.
“Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc…and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons.”
“The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about.”
“You’d better prepare yourself for the jump into hyperspace. It’s unpleasantly like being drunk.’
‘What’s so unpleasant about being drunk?’
‘You ask a glass of water.”
“I may,’ he added with a grin that would have sent sane men scampering into the trees, ‘have been imagining it.”
“He hoped and prayed that there wasn’t an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn’t an afterlife.”