A newlywed couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn’t wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, “Honey, I’ll be right back.”
“Where are you going, coochy cooh?” asked the wife.
“I’m going to the bar, pretty face. I’m going to have a beer.”
The wife said “You want a beer, my love?” She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn’t know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, “Yes, lolly pop…but at the bar…you know…they have frozen glasses…”
He didn’t get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, “You want a frozen glass, puppy face?†She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, “Yes, tootsie roll, but at the bar they have those hors d’oeuvres that are really delicious…I won’t be long, I’ll be right back. I promise. OK?”
You want hors d’oeuvres, poochi pooh? “She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d’oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc.
“But my sweet honey… at the bar… you know… there’s swearing, dirty words and all that…”
“You want dirty words, cutie pie?… ….LISTEN UP, DICKHEAD! DRINK YOUR BEER IN YOUR GODDAMN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR FUCKING SNACKS, BECAUSE YOU ARE MARRIED NOW, YOU AREN’T GOING ANYWHERE! GOT IT, ASSHOLE?”
Nots, again!
It’s the next to last day of January, so here’s how my list is looking…
A partial list of things I have not done so far this year:
- Bought beer (at the store)
But it’s not my fault, my wife put it on the list. I was just doing as I was asked! - had donuts
broke down this morning. It was a tough morning, there was shouting and “I don’t wanna get dressed” and “I’m tired” and throwing of food and stomping of feet. Also? The kids were acting up. - bought Ben and Jerry’s
I didn’t have BJ, but I did have a Klondike bar. Can’t blame my wife on that one, while I was at the store (buying beer and other things we needed like milk) the klondike bars just jumped into my cart.
update: I bought some ben and jerry’s. Sorry. - had sex
Woot! It was awesome! Looking forward to 2007, when (hopefully) we can do it again! - had Whataburger
Last week. We were sharing a car while one was in the shop, and I was starving and my wife had the car, so I walked over. Good news – I got the “junior” or whatever the smaller burger is. So only half a heart-attack waiting to happen. - purchased a PDA
- seen the Steelers lose a game
Yay! Now if the Steelers do what they’re supposed to, I won’t break any more until possibly next season.
a little bit much?
I truly do not wish to belittle or make light of what has happened to these two, but do you think the families of the thousands of dead and wounded soldiers might be thinking the coverage is a bit overboard? Not to mention your average Iraqi who may have lost friends and family in the carnage over the past few years.
They knew the risks, they were there anyway. It was a choice. Many of our service people are not there by choice, and they’re getting killed and maimed every day.
How about some of that perspective?
(oh, speaking of Iraq, did you see that a girl has died of bird flu there? She lived in N. Iraq, near Turkey…