This is brilliant

Might I say, fucking brilliant. Follow the link for the full document.

An Assfucking Compact

Consider this document advance notice that I, _____________________1, am interested in fucking your ass. I have not come to this conclusion lightly, and I would like you to know that I accept certain facts as given before the assfuckery even begins. To wit, I:

  • Acknowledge that buttsex often moves at a speed which would make the progress of glaciers across the frozen tundra seem zippy. I affirm that I will not seek to rush or hurry this process as that way brings only tears.
  • Recognize the supreme degree of self-control necessary in performing my main duty, which is to place my cock / finger / sextoy / other2 at the entrance to your ass and then stay still until such a time as you see fit to wiggle back upon it.
  • Accept the idea that your ass’s primary function, no matter …

(more at the link)

Weight fun

I’m trying to eat better and exercise more and eat, well, less and maybe not drink so much and avoid run-on sentences and get more sex and more sleep.

Not surprisingly, I’m having mixed success.

I’m on SparkPeople. I log food and exercise and mood and fun stuff like that. I’m eating a lot more salad and a lot less ice cream.

So guess what I did? Take your time, I’ll wait.

What did you guess? Did you guess I bought a pair of jeans 2″ smaller than the ones I usually wear? You did? Here, have a cookie. I’m not supposed to eat it. So sorry that it’s really only half a cookie, you don’t mind the bite marks, do you?

Anyway, the jeans fit. Snug, but no doubt they fit. But chicken shit that I am I didn’t wear them to work today, thinking well, maybe I can lose a little more weight and then they will fit even better. And it’s a little odd to call anything with a 42 inch waist ‘smaller’ but there you have it.