Code Kansas

In case you don’t ever read my twitter stuff and I haven’t posted it enough here, I think one of the funniest movies I have ever seen is Black Dynamite.

In the warehouseWithout spoiling things, the plot is very convoluted, and at one point the heroes of the story find themselves in a waffle house one morning after a long night of fighting bad guys and they are trying to figure out what an agent meant by “Operation Code Kansas” (said agent blacked out before they could question him).

Through a twisted trail of logic they finally reach an epiphany:

…As you all know, zodialogical astronomy
was created by the Greeks in…?

[All at once:] 785 BC!

785 is the area code for Topeka…
oh, my god!

785 is the area code for Topeka, Kansas!

[Everyone:] “Code Kansas”!

Okay, if this is too confusing and I’ve lost you, you gotta watch the movie and it will be clear. My point is this is the moment that a room full of people were suddenly realizing what was going on and rather excited about it.

This was how I felt about 3:56 this morning. I didn’t get up to write about it at the time, but yeah, it was kinda cool. Now I need to figure out what it all means.

Oh, by the way, my bird wasn’t there this morning. I hope they found a mate and were just too pooped to sing at 3 AM.

The early bird

I don’t know what exactly is going on, but there is a bird that lives outside my window and he (or she) has seriously taken to heart the whole “early bird gets the worm” thing.

3 o’clock in the fucking morning this bird wakes up. And sings. Loud. This has been going on for almost a week. I don’t know if they are looking for a mate, I guess if I was I would be singing, too, but apparently there aren’t any other birds up at that time, since I only hear the one. Maybe it’s internal clock is messed up (I imagine the poor thing having to take a nap in the afternoon). Maybe there is a cat trying to sneak up to it’s nest and it is sounding the alarm. But dayum, LOUD.

And so yeah, I’m up at three AM every night lately.

Most of the time I can go back to sleep, sometimes not so much. There is an old proverb of “you’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” That’s me. I miss sharing my bed. I’m not just talking about sex, but of course I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss sex. I miss sharing lots of things, the touch and sound and scent and the comfort of a loved one nearby. I miss sharing all this with my wife.

I hope my bird finds a friend soon, so maybe they will sleep a little better. This shit’s getting old.

Almost breaking

I’ve been riding a nice wave lately, feeling better about a lot of things.

I think the description might be “hopeful.”

It’s not easy for me to be optimistic, given the circumstances I have brought on.  I have been on a bit of a roll, actually enjoying being with myself.  Today I realized how fragile the peace can be, as dark clouds formed over my heart again. It doesn’t take much, really, for me to step back into the old patterns.

The darkest clouds didn’t last very long, but I can still feel the shadow they left behind.  Maybe in another couple days the shadows, too, will lift. For now I’m trying to talk myself through it.  Self medicating – I made brownies! and enjoying hanging out with my kids.  Fake it till you make it, isn’t that what they say?