“You think you’ve got problems, what are you supposed to do if you’re a manically depressed robot? No, don’t bother to answer that, I’m fifty thousand times more intelligent than you and even I don’t know the answer. It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.”
“Sorry, did I say something wrong? Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway so I don’t know why I bother to say it, oh God I’m so depressed.”
“Do you want me to sit in a corner and rust or just fall apart where I’m standing?”
“Don’t feel you have to take any notice of me, please.”
“Don’t pretend you want to talk to me, I know you hate me.”
“I only have to talk to somebody and they begin to hate me. Even robots hate me. If you just ignore me I expect I shall probably go away.”
Cycling is good for your health
There were two preachers who would meet each other whilst riding to their particular churches. They both enjoyed riding bicycles and talking. Then one day, one of the preachers was walking.
“What happened to your bike?”
“Can you believe that someone from my own church stole it?!”
“NO!” Then an idea struck him, “I have an idea how to get your bike back … Sunday give a very serious talk on the Ten Commandments, and when you get to the part about ‘Thou
shall not steal’, look around and see who looks guilty.”
The next Monday the preacher comes riding along on his bike.
“Well, I see my suggestion worked.”
“Sort of… I was giving my talk about the Ten Commandments, and when I got to ‘Adultery’ I remembered where I left my bike!”
About last night
I kicked the blankets on the floor
Turned my pillow upside down
I never never did before
‘Cause I was tossing and turning
Turning and tossing
A tossing and turning all nightJumped out of bed
Turned on the light
I pulled down the shade
Went to the kitchen for a bite
Rolled up the shade
Turned off the light
I jumped back into bed
It was the middle of the night