I wonder if anything ever really changes.

I should change that to “anyone.” Speaking for myself, of course. All that I have said and done in the past few years, all the zen and books and therapy and meditation and exercise and talk and sleepless nights.

All of it.

Has anything changed? Am I just destined to be the same as ever?

There’s an old (very old) joke about how many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. The answer (in case you’re new to this planet) is “just one, but it has to really want to change.” Oh, ha ha. :Overjoy:

Maybe I’ve just been fooling myself, (hey, that would make a great name for a song!) acting as if I have made progress and peel off the mask and, hey, what do ya know, same ol’ shit underneath. I haven’t seen any real proof of improvement in areas I need to see it (I have a list. Of course)

Even as I type this I think “this is the same bullshit I was writing on this same blog five years ago.” Or two, or nine. It never changes.

Nothing does.