top-10

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Trivia!

January 17, 2006 in Personal by Ben

To avoid having to actually think and be creative and all that, I’ve blatently stolen this from Gadget Grl instead:

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Ben!

  1. Devoid of his cells and proteins, Ben has the same chemical makeup as sea water.
  2. Ben once lost a Dolly Parton lookalike contest.
  3. On stone temples in southern India, there are more than 30 million carved images of Ben!
  4. Ben is often used in place of milk in food photography, because milk goes soggy more quickly than Ben!
  5. The number one cause of blindness in the United States is Ben.
  6. Ben can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that’s really fast!
  7. Over 2000 people have now climbed Ben, with roughly ten percent dying on the way down.
  8. If the Sun were the size of a beach ball then Jupiter would be the size of a golf ball and Ben would be as small as a pea.
  9. The state nickname of Iowa is ‘The Ben state’.
  10. The fingerprints of Ben are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.
I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

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in the nick of time

March 28, 2005 in Funnies by Ben

My wife just sent me this to stop whatever it is that was happening in my head.

Letterman’s Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

10. Being told to “think outside the box” when you’re in a freakin’ box all day long.

9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who’s behind you.

8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you’ll get a piece of cheese.

6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.

4. 23 power cords - 1 outlet.

3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.

2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your coworkers.

And the Number 1 drawback to working in a cubicle is…

1. You can’t walk out and slam the door when you quit.

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Voices. In my head.

November 16, 2004 in Funnies by Ben

Here’s today’s funny list of shit I found somewhere else…

  1. Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you.
  2. You say I’m a bitch like it’s a bad thing.
  3. Well this day was a total waste of make-up.
  4. Well, aren’t we a damn ray of sunshine?
  5. Don’t bother me; I’m living happily ever after.
  6. Do I look like a people person?
  7. This isn’t an office. It’s hell with fluorescent lighting.
  8. I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
  9. Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap. You choose.
  10. Why don’t you try practicing random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control?
  11. I’m not crazy. I’ve been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
  12. Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
  13. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
  14. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
  15. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t gone to sleep yet.
  16. Back off!! You’re standing in my aura.
  17. Don’t worry. I forgot your name too.
  18. I work 45 hours a week to be this poor.
  19. Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
  20. Wait…I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
  21. Chaos, panic and disorder… my work here is done.
  22. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
  23. You look like crap. Is that the style now?
  24. Earth is full. Go home.
  25. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
  26. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
  27. A hard-on doesn’t count as personal growth.
  28. You are depriving some village of an idiot.
  29. If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.

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Top Ten list for today..

September 13, 2004 in Educational by Ben

TOP TEN SIGNS YOUR GRANDPARENTS ARE STILL SEXUALLY ACTIVE
10. Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.

9. Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.

8. Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of “denture-burn.”

7. Granny found cuffed to her walker.

6. Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.

5. Grandma regularly looks at Grandpa’s crotch and claps twice.

4. Your “Grandma” is Anna Nicole Smith.

3. You’ve just seen the photos in the “Beaver Hunt” section of the May issue of Hustler.

2. Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.

And the Number One Sign Your Grandparents are still sexually active…..

1. Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for “doggy style.”

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Signs Your Memorial Day Weekend Sucked

June 1, 2004 in Funnies by Ben

16) Huge grill marks on your ass.

15) Stay in the local burn ward now part of the family
cookout tradition.

14) Your secret weekend “get away” is actually a web site.

13) Image of Grandpa in his Speedo is indelibly burned into
your memory.

12) Your improbable kebob skewer mishap headlines local paper.

11) Just as you and the gang settled in to watch the Three
Stooges Marathon, the FBI cut the power to your ranch.

10) You can now lip-synch to that entire “Thighmaster” infomercial.

9) Your barbeque fire consumed 10,000 acres.

8) You attended the annual beef barbecue at the British Embassy.

7) Regardless what the marriage license says, you don’t remember going to Vegas.

6) Your five-year-old took the phrase “weiner roast” literally.

5) Emulating that North Korean fighter pilot, neighborhood punks try to “defect” on your front lawn.

4) While you baked in the sun, drinking buddies placed DUMBASS
stencil on your forehead.

3) Didn’t shoot your limit in San Diego’s Wild Animal Park.

2) Held seance to raise spirits of dead war heros, only got
Gomer Pyle.

and the Number 1 Sign Your Memorial Day Weekend Sucked…

1) Your Ball Park Frank didn’t plump, if you know what I mean.

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