sleepy-time

Imagine if you will…

A child. A five year old child.

Tears are shooting from the child’s eyes cartoon-like, little fountains, puddling on the floor in a manner unapproved by OSHA. And, at full volume:

“I’m

Not

Tired!”

* and don’t tell me if you don’t know who Rod Serling is or what he sounds like, cuz that’ll just make me feel old, and I don’t need any help doing that. Thanks.

Here’s one way:

1. Have a child who is morbidly curious
2. have child bring home library book
3. called “Venomous Creatures”
4. Read and discuss
5. Pay particular attention to the comparison of neurotoxins to hemotoxins
6. Say “Black Mamba” repeatedly, cuz it sounds mean. Okay, venomous. Two drops of venom can kill.
7. Did I mention discuss? That’s a big part. The Q&A.
8. Focus for a bit on the snakes of Australia.
9. Did you know an adder isn’t necessarily good at math? Now you do.
10. If snakes aren’t enough, also discuss frogs and lizards who are, well, venomous.
11. “Red and yellow, kill a fellow.” Say it with me.
12. Red and black, venom lack.
13. Do you know what ‘arboreal’ means? It means it hides in trees. So it can jump down and eat you. Really.
14. After an hour or so, announce that it’s bedtime.
15. Send child to top bunk. Listen to child describe tree-like qualities of top bunk. Child thinks he may be arboreal now.
16. Child will fall asleep instantly, and without hesitation.
17. Really. Trust me.

It’s 1:30.

AM.

I can’t sleep because of a sinus headache - if I lay down it is 10X as bad. So here I sit.

Our little dog has decided it is time for her to get up - she’s been barking every 6.4 seconds for the last thirty minutes.

And the Cowboys have still never won in Lambeau Field.

On the plus side? I finally saw ‘Desperate Housewives’ It cracked me up that there was a Fisher Price commercial in the middle. Not bad!

update: I’m going to bed. 3:06.