Sorting through feelings lately has been a strange affair. I feel at times like I’m outside looking in, like looking in a window at somebody who is doing a jigsaw puzzle. Close enough to see them scratch their head, but not close enough to see the pieces clearly enough to say “that one goes there, on the right,” or anything helpful.
The “old boyfriend” or “old girlfriend” question is pretty universal, is it not? I mean, it’s rare to only have one. At least where I live. Especially when you are a kid, you have relationships, and hopefully you learn from them and then the next time you have a relationship you are better off. That’s the plan, I guess.
When I wrote my last entry on this, my wife was reading over my shoulder as I hit “publish.” She said ‘Awww..’ and gave me a hug.
Have you ever been really, really insecure? I mean ‘industrial grade,’ to steal a concept from the truck commercials. That was me.
Sometimes, that still is me. See, I don’t think this is about old boyfriends, or even that much about my wife, I think it’s more about me and my self concepts and such. It’s all about me… 🙂
And this is getting too damn deep for me to write more at the moment. Perhaps later. Sorry, the little alarm in my brain that goes “ding, ding, ding; oversharing!” just went off. And that’s pretty rare (as anyone who has read these pages knows) so I think I’ll listen this time.
More to follow.
I’ve really got nothing to add except I’m trying to figure out how the related articles are: The Onion | Iraq Adopts Terror Alert System Yahoo!
Things that make you go Hmmm…
My hubs thinks that any guy that talks to me is “sniffing around”. Especially the old boyfriends. He’s of the opinion that men don’t care that women are happily and obviously married. They’ll still put their ‘toe in the water’ to see what may happen. I don’t think this.
Short version – yes, I am jealous. I don’t like it, but there you are.
Long version – at one point when were were in CA, pre-baby, there was an old ex of Evil Dad’s in the picture. Visiting frequently. Coincidentally, his mother’s best friend. She spent an awful lot of time with us…and really did try to start things back with him. It was ugly, to put it politely.
Now almost 7 years later, she’s gotten back in touch with us, and left two voice messages. Evil Dad told me to erase them.
I remember when I was in college and in my early 20’s, I was ravenously jealous of old girlfriends. I know it was because I was insecure about myself, and what I had to offer – it’s all crystal clear now but 10 years ago, not so much.
The odd thing – my husband is the first person I’ve never felt compelled to drill about his romantic past. I know he wasn’t a virgin when we married and vice versa, but it just hasn’t ever come up as an issue. We talk and “wonder” about where people are and have actually Googled a few together, but that was it – Googling…and then it was over.