Hey, you.

Have you been naughty, or nice?

Hmm?

Okay, put it another way. Do you think you deserve to have this stuck in your head all day?

to my daughter’s future significant other:

For thirty five minutes, she sat on the toilet, insisting I stay in the bathroom with her.

She talked non-stop.

I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, other than the occasional “oh?” or “I see.”

I didn’t understand one damn thing she said. But she enjoyed saying it.

She never pooped.

Just wanting you to know the capabilities of my little girl.