getting too deep

I hope I’m not getting too introspective for everyone. Of course, it is my blog, so I can do whatever the hell I want, right?

I’ve been learning some new things, mostly about myself. I want to believe that this will result in me growing a little bit. I’m not expecting anything to happen overnight, which is why practice and repetition are key (just like anything else).

So I’ve been bookmarking and collecting things that seem important. I’ve found some other people (via their blogs) that are going through similar times. It’s amazing to see parallels when we are all so very different, yet they are there just the same.

One piece of advice I was given, which I’m trying hard to put into practice, is to do everything one step at a time. Make it one day at a time. Make the best choice you can, and then relax and go to bed knowing you’ve done what you can, stop worrying that it won’t end up perfect 100 years from now. Stop playing the “what if” game, or saying “the problem with that is..”

In other words, let go. Let go of a lot of things.

And sure enough, yesterday I ran across a list on another blog I read (I warned you: I read a lot of blogs) and it fits nicely with the above. They complement each other, I think.

So here is “20 Mental Barriers You Should Let Go Of”

Progress, not perfection.

some kind of dancer

I’ve been doing really well, I think. I have so many positive things happening, and I’m letting myself actually see the blessings I have instead of worrying about stuff I lack.

It’s a long road. But I think the right one. To “get it.” To understand more about me, to know the changes I need to make to truly be happy. There are many (oh so many).

Like I said, I’ve been doing well. Feeling positive. Tonight, however, the kids came over to swim. The first time they called I said no, I don’t feel like swimming tonight. I was sick the night before (I didn’t tell them this) and did not sleep and knew I was running low on energy. Then my daughter called back, and said “Daddy you don’t have to swim you can just watch us.”

I knew the right thing to do was to invite them over, let them swim for a while. So I did. And almost predictably, it did not go well. My oldest and I started bickering. Yeah, I know – I’m the grown up, I need to deal better with this. When it didn’t stop I simply took my ball and went home. Or in this case, declared they were done swimming for the night (an hour early) and said you need to leave now.

I’m not proud. Looking back hours later, I think I did it to avoid our bickering from escalating into a full blown fight. That seemed to be where it was headed. Why can’t I back away from him when we get into words? Why can’t I relax and just enjoy their company, and not inflict so much order upon them? (I do not tolerate what looks like bullying behavior, even if it’s a game, I will stop them from tormenting each other).

So on the plus side, I’m doing better. On the minus side, I have a long way to go. Celebrate the victory, right?

I’ve never been very good at dancing; it’s time I learn.