the road goes on forever, the party never ends

If it wasn’t obvious by now, I kinda suck at picking titles for my posts. They don’t ever really match whatever I’m going on about and it’s usually something that pops into my mind or that I think is funny or both or neither. So, um, yeah.

I’ve been sitting on this one a while, I found this little poem (that isn’t new or anything, I just hadn’t seen it before) and it helps me to think. I wanted to share it for anyone who hasn’t already read it:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson:

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in; it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Insert Seasonal Crap Title

I’ve sort of surprised myself and managed to not just motor off at the mouth lately. Winter is usually a very difficult time for me, emotionally, not physically – weather isn’t much of a problem where I live. In fact thanks to climate change we are in a drought and having warmer than average temperatures. Again or still, take your pick.

Where was I? Oh yeah, winter sucking hairy balls. I’m coping okay this year. That’s about all I want to say at the moment. I’m okay, really.

One of my favorite Christmas songs, yes, even Yoko doesn’t totally ruin it:

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
Ans so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear one
The old and the young

And what have I done? I’ve learned a lot this year. I may have accidentally grown a little bit. I’m learning to walk again. It’s true, you have to walk before you can run. I’m learning to be patient with myself. I’m learning about forgiveness. I’m realizing how far I still have to go.

So very fucking far.

One of the best things I’ve done is realized I need to slow down, let things go, and breathe.

I wish you peace, and may the new year bring good things.