Redneck movie quotes

  • “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle… and your first and second cousin, your nephew…”
  • “Houston, we have a ‘possum.”
  • “What does it feel like? Kind of like sticking your fingers in warm chicken fried steak with gravy.”
  • “You had me at ‘Sooooey!'”
  • “We’ll always have Wal-Mart.”
  • “You’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you, Uncle Ed?”
  • “I… see… Black people.”
  • “Are you CRYING? There’s no crying in NASCAR!”
  • “Of all the trailer parks in Pine Cone County, she had to pull her ’68 Rambler into mine.”
  • “I feel the need… the need for sheep.”
  • “Use the horse, Luke!”
  • “I ate his ribs… with some pinto beans and a shot o’ Jack Daniel’s.”
  • “Hokey opera and ancient museums are no match for a good tractor pull, kid.”
  • “I know what you’re thinking… did he fire six shots or only five? Well, hell if I know! You KNOW I cain’t count no higher’n three since the chainsaw accident!”
  • “My daddy always said, ‘Life is like a ten-dollar hooker — you never know what you’re gonna’ get.'”
  • “You want a tooth?! You can’t HANDLE a tooth!!”

Saturday, by numbers

  • 13.5 – Hours away from home
  • 6 – hours not in the car
  • 1 – football playoff game viewed that had my niece performing on the drill team at halftime
  • 38-0 – the score at halftime. We weren’t winning
  • 56 – the temperature in fahrenheit.
  • 4 – cups of coffee I had all day
  • 4 – donuts consumed
  • 9 – ounces of candy corn I ate on the way home
  • 4 – number of people asleep in the car by the time we arrived home at 11:00
  • 5 – times Jimmy Buffett Cd repeat on the way there
  • 0 – times I listened to Jimmy Buffett on the way home
  • 2 – times I wondered if it were good that my boys can sing along to “Why don’t we get drunk (and screw)”
  • 2 – times I thought “fuck it.”
  • 48 – fahrenheit temperature when we passed through Riesel, Tx
  • 9 – that temperature in centigrade (or is that celsius?)
  • 70 – miles I had left to drive at that point
  • 9:45 – the time on the clock at that point
  • 1 zillion – cars going the other way on the highway the last ninety miles. There had been an Aggie home game.
  • 6 – cars going my way the last ninety miles.
  • 46 – pictures taken before the battery died in the digital camera
  • 0 – pictures posted so far
  • 2 – boys that were very happy to see their cousins, if only for a little while
  • 0 – alcoholic drinks consumed by yours truly
  • 10 – minutes to write all this down

The cure.

So, after a week of feeling down and out.
Of taking whiskey to help me sleep.

The weekend’s here! What could be better than sleeping in, or lazing around in my underwear all day watching football, or better yet getting somebody to watch the kids so we can be nekkid and have frequent sex and sleep in and watch football all day?

Of course I’m not doing any of that. No, no, no. We’re taking a road trip. We needed eight hours or so in the van together. Family time.

Should be back tonite. No, by morning. It might be after midnite. I’ll fill in then.