Tough choices

I’ve found myself at one of those profound junctures in my life, where I must make a very difficult choice. Sadly, my usual confidantes are out of pocket, so I must rely on my inner strength and draw on my many (many!) years of experience.

Do I go home and water the lawn, or just stop at Whataburger for lunch?

Saddam requests Jackson jury

The Borowitz Report .com: “The Iraqi dictator made the extraordinary request in a special hearing today, telling the judge in his case, “There is no jury in the world better qualified to hear my case than those twelve people who just let Michael Jackson walk.”

In addition to requesting the Jackson jury, Saddam also requested that the mother of Mr. Jackson’s accuser be called upon to testify against him in his trial.

The Iraqi madman, who had been gloomy and depressed in recent months, reportedly “perked up” when the Jackson verdict was announced earlier this week, sources inside his prison said.

“When the verdict was read and it was not guilty on all counts, Saddam practically jumped out of his chair,” one source said. “He was like, ‘I’ve got to get that jury – they’re awesome!’””