that C word

Life is very interesting these past few weeks. My kids, my family, myself, we are all struggling. There are multiple things going on, I’d rather not go into details, but it’s been tough, and will be for a while.

One thing that keeps coming to mind, is the need for control. Lots of people need to feel control, of course. My kids are fighting for control – my oldest wants to choose not to go to school, my middle child is feeling helpless about how my marriage failed. They act out in their own ways. I find myself wanting to control how they are responding, as if they were machines that suddenly malfunctioned.

I feel like I don’t have enough control. About the only thing I feel is really under my control is my diet and exercise. I have things I want, and no matter how much I am willing them to happen, it’s not up to me. It is the source of a ton of frustration and anguish. It leads to feeling like the world is somehow doing things to me. As if I were that important.

“You are not in charge here.”

Today I’m checking blogs and Colleen had just posted her thoughts about the idea of who is in control (short answer: NOT US). I’m not saying that I’m certain it is God, but I’m pretty sure the harder I (we) try and control things, the more they slip through my fingers. (Princess Leia said as much a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away).

When we are in the midst of chaos, let go of the need to control it. Be awash in it, experience it in that moment, try not to control the outcome but deal with the flow as it comes.

Colleen also linked to this excellent piece at Daily Zen, and I’ve read it a dozen times already. I love the fish concept. Fish don’t try and control their world, they just exist in it. In the moment. Never mind that many of them are very briefly in the food chain, it’s still a valid idea. Why do I think I’m any different? That I can affect things on such a grand scale? The energy I expend trying to control everything around me is huge.

Also this:

  • We learn to accept the world as it is, rather than being annoyed with it, stressed by it, mad at it, despaired by it, or trying to change it into what we want it to be.
  • We learn that trusting our values is more important to taking action than desiring and striving for certain outcomes.
  • We take each step lightly, with balance, in the moment, guided by those values and what we’re passionate about … rather than trying to plan the next 1,000 steps and where we’ll end up.

I have a lot to learn about living in the moment. I need to learn to just keep swimming.