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silly old yeller

September 20, 2007 in Kids, Personal by Ben | 5 comments

I was going along, minding my own business, and I read a post over at Interstellar Adventures that certainly made me stop and think.

No, I’m not like the guy in her post, but I do have a, shall we say, quick temper. This wasn’t always the case, but it is nowadays.

I get short tempered with the kids. I yell at cars that act like Idiots (or Maniacs, see Carlin, George). Sometimes I yell at the TV. I’m very quick to say “no” to a request, and also can be quick to judge a situation. And I wonder why my kids yell at each other?

One night (day?) recently, I heard my wife and kids around the kitchen table. I think they were working on homework, but they were also talking about something fun they wanted to do. I don’t remember exact details, but the gist of the conversation was that somebody had to go ask Dad about something, and they didn’t want to do it.

My. kids. Didn’t want to talk to me. They were afraid of what I might say. Or do.

Clearly, something’s gotta give. I can’t be perfect, but I can do better. I gotta have more patience, I gotta stop and think before I open my mouth. I gotta support my family more, instead of insisting on rigid compliance with how I expect things to go. Wish me luck.

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Wish the piper didn’t ask for so much

April 22, 2007 in Kids by Ben | Comments closed

We have a thing we say, unfortunately we say it rather often: “You always pay.”

Last night my wife and I went out, leaving the kids at home with a sitter. We arrived home later than usual – after midnite.

The sitter was OK (I proclaimed happily as we drove up the street: “Her car’s still here! Yeah!”)

The kids in general were fine. They had convinced her to make them mac and cheese in addition to the pizza we provided (we’re all about the nutrition here, folks) and also talked her into walking a couple miles to a park, which was in the opposite direction of the park that is about two blocks away in the other direction. That’s all fine. She might even speak to us again.

But my eldest was still awake, at 1 AM, and didn’t sleep well last night, and then this morning refused to eat anything. He has been up for almost three hours and is walking around the house wimpering. He has a school project he needs to finish (that will take a lot of work, thanks to procrastination for like, a month) and he refuses to work on that, either.

So today we have beautiful weather and a petulant child. Lovely.

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Like boot camp, or not

March 24, 2007 in Kids by Ben | 5 comments

I am working on a set of House Rules and a family routine and all that.

Something that is written down so it won’t change based on my mood (or anyone elses). I think this will be good for us.

I’ve got a list started, which includes “No Swearing” and “Nobody messes with Dad’s ice cream.” But I feel like I’m missing something.

Do you follow a set of rules at home? (like that everyone agrees to, written, or more informal)

What are some of your favorite rules?

As I write this, I realize that nobody likes lots of rules. But kinda like having stripes on the freeway, it might help us prevent fender-benders a little.

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It might as well be on the moon

March 22, 2007 in Personal by Ben | 4 comments

I so badly want to be able to do it. To not be angry.

Do not maintain anger or hatred. As soon as anger and hatred arise, practice the meditation on compassion in order to deeply understand the persons who have caused anger and hatred. Learn to look at other beings with the eyes of compassion.

Thich Nhat Hahn

But then comes a day like yesterday (which is continuing this morning) and crap, anger seems too mild to describe how I’m feeling.

And no, this is nothing in the online world, this is in the real world, where my child has done something incredibly stupid but also scary and we are now back in the mode of reacting and doubting our parenting. I’ll know more today about the whole Permanent Record part, but for now I’m just so mad I can’t see straight.

(my apologies to anyone coming by today and hoping for a joke or a comic or whatever. Maybe later)

Oh, yeah, and according to this prophetic blog, today does indeed suck.

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‘a little guilt’s good for ya’

November 10, 2006 in Kids, Personal by Ben | 1 comment

That’s what I’ve been told. By my very Catholic mom-in-law, among others.

I have not had lunch with my boys at school this week. I don’t usually write about it, but every week I try and go to lunch with them. We eat crappy school food together, sometimes we chat, sometimes we’re quiet. The kids go to lunch one after another, so I can actually visit each of them in one day.

This week, life got in the way – there were meetings, and doctor appointments, discruptions. And this morning I was asked if I could make it to lunch, and I said I didn’t think so, things were busy, but I for sure was coming next week, and I’d also like to make it to their Thanksgiving Feast. We can’t celebrate Halloween, because that’s the devil’s holiday, but we can have Turkey Day. Go figure.

“Okay, dad.”

I thought that was it, and went on with my morning. Then, as I’m leaving the house, he is in tears on the couch. Distraught. I didn’t cry that much when my dog died. Okay, I did, but I won’t admit it here. (oops) My wife is with him, talking, and I can hear him saying that he was worried because I wasn’t coming to lunch.

Wanna hear the guilt part? (we Catholics are good at guilt. We’ve got that down)

Today, my “busy” is having lunch with my wife, the one day a week she gets a lunch break. Friday’s are our day to have a few quiet minutes that we can dine and don’t have to cut up anyone’s food or tell them to take the food out of their nose/hair/ears or any of that.

So, I feel like an ass for telling him no. And I feel worse that I couldn’t come up with a way to talk to him before leaving. I totally skipped out on dealing with it.

All of this, of course, is nothing compared to the crushing blow I felt reading the late night entry at atomictumor.

It’s raining, it’s pouring, your old man is boring…

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