bullshit

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easy way to piss me off

February 9, 2008 in Educational by Ben | 1 comment

My son was watching the NFL Network and they had one of their little revisionist shows on, talking about how great this team or that team was. Of course I know they are condensing an awful lot into a paragraph for the sake of time, but this really pissed me off.

“Tom Landry retired, he was the only coach the Dallas Cowboys ever had. Shortly afterward, team owner Jerry Jones hired his old college friend Jimmy Johnson as head coach.”

Ahem. No. Bullshit.

Tom Landry was let go after Jimmy was hired, he found out about it from a couple of reporters. Jerry didn’t even have the balls to call and tell him hisownself.

There’s not much worse than the NFL network flat out lying to make a program a little more palatable. They don’t have any more balls than Jones, apparently.

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Totally fake Harry Potter plots

July 20, 2007 in Funnies by Ben | 1 comment

I am making this up. If one or more of these things happen, don’t come looking at me, it’s a total coincidence.

  1. Hermione and Ron get pregnant (by accident), and have to quit studying magic to work at muggledane jobs in a bookstore to support their growing family, dealing with tons of fans (of some novel) that line up for three days before it is released to get their copy early.
  2. Snape meets a muggle model through Match.Com and suddenly smiles a LOT more.
  3. Harry discovers the internet, and neglects his studies in order to build readership on his seventeen blogs. His grades suffer, his friends never see him anymore, and even the Dursleys decide he has become rather ordinary.
  4. Hogwarts is chosen as the site for a new reality-based series, “Raise My Wand,” which is set to air on Showtime after-hours. Voldemort is voted out of the castle in the first round. The Dementors keep attacking the judges, which slows production immensely. The internet buzzes with folks that are either for or against Hermione, claiming she is too young to be in this kind of trashy show.
  5. (for the benefit of my legions of Google-based readers): The freaky guy with one eye that swivels around finally shows his boobies.
  6. The young wizards learn that Filch has been selling off Hogwarts artifacts on ebay, but only after he retires to Australia with his boyfriend Hagrid.

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