adoption

We went by the local CPS office this morning on an errand, and my son ran to the sidewalk and said “My papa was here. And the baby girl!”

He was almost three last time he saw his Papa. And he’ll be five soon. And before y’all say “aw, what a great memory,” it was a baby boy - his brother he’ll probably never meet.

Bonus points if you can ID the song in the title. Gary? Where are you? It’s been too long.

Last night I was a scorekeeper for my four year old’s basketball game. They con ask one person from each team to keep score (watch the clock, count fouls, etc. But these kids are four!?) and last night was my turn. Again.

Anyway, we parents that are suckered honored to do score keeping always chat and talk about basketball and our kids and stuff. “That’s my son - number three,” or “that’s my daughter - with the dark hair and red shorts,” along with “where do y’all go to school?” etc. And last night was no different.

The other team had an outstanding player, able to run, pass, shoot, etc. My scorekeeper counterpart basketball mom said, “That’s my son.” I pointed out mine in return. I did not say “Oh, your son is black, is he adopted?” (she, and her husband and other kids, were white). I didn’t even think until well after the game that I shoulda coulda have maybe said “My other son is black, too, and people always ask if he’s adopted.”

It didn’t cross my mind, and it certainly didn’t seem important.

By the way, we lots by two points. But I think everyone had fun.

At least one affiliate has decided not to show this abomination.

Ya know, I like to try and be open minded. My first reaction on hearing about “Who’s Your Daddy” (the ‘reality’ show where someone who was adopted as an infant tries to pick their bio dad from a group) was that it was fucking insensitive. There are intense feelings on all sides of an adoption (a huge understatement) and to turn it into a TV show is just awful.

Then I saw a commercial. The adoptee? Cute blond woman. Of course. The “Dads”? A bunch of guys (in the clip I saw) all saying “I’m your father.”

Why are they saying that? Cuz if she picks ‘wrong’ then the guy bags $100,000. Would you be willing to go lie to a stranger for $100,000? Of course there are plenty of people who would do that. They’d do it for $1,000. Would you lie about being their father? Again, plenty of people would do that. Usually they lie the other way (”Hell, no, somebody else is the dad”) because they want to avoid responsibility.

My kids ask about their parents all the time. Except the baby, of course, since she can’t talk yet. But the boys want to know. We tell them what we know about them. We show them pictures, if we have them. We point to their home towns on maps. We drive by the hospital where they were born. No, this isn’t a daily occurance, it comes and goes. But kids wonder. ‘Do I have a brother?’ ‘Why didn’t they keep me?’ ‘Who do I look like?’

If they want to look for their parents, years from now, I’ll probably help them do that, too. But I won’t pretend it’s gonna be a 90 minute TV drama reunion. Their parents couldn’t take care of them. I don’t know if that will ever change. I’m not sure they would want to be found. I would hate for one of my kids to stand on a stage and look ten people in the eye, all of them saying “I’m your daddy” just to try and make a buck.

Sorry, that’s not entertainment. Not in the least. Not to me.