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Me! It’s all about me!

another opportunity

To put it mildly, it has been a rough afternoon.

I don’t want to rehash things.  In fact, I wish I could forget some of what was said.  It has left me feeling horribly pessimistic, just this side of despair.  I hoped, thought, wished, (insert optimistic-sounding word here) that things were getting better, that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.  I had hope.

Not feeling it at the moment.

Words from the Dalai Lama:

As long as we live in this world we are bound to encounter problems. If, at such times, we lose hope and become discouraged, we diminish our ability to face difficulties. If, on the other hand, we remember that it is not just ourselves but every one who has to undergo suffering, this more realistic perspective will increase our determination and capacity to overcome troubles. Indeed, with this attitude, each new obstacle can be seen as yet another valuable opportunity to improve our mind!

I’m sure he understands this better than I.  He likewise has much to teach about anger, attachment, compassion, forgiveness.  I’m not going to copy and paste more tonight.  I’m going to go and reflect on some his teachings, and have a big-ass glass of wine, and go to bed early.

Tomorrow is another opportunity to do better.

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Moonlight therapy?

Ah, what a difference a good sleep makes.

Last night I finally made the zombie-walk to bed somewhere around 12:30, 1 AM. I don’t know, it was about two hours after I meant to go to bed. I was feeling depressed, overwhelmed, drained, worried. All kinds of mean nasty things.

I didn’t really sleep well, I kept waking up thinking it was time to get moving and would realize it had only been 45 minutes or an hour since I last checked the time. Hmmph.

This morning I went for a run, finally out the door right at 6 AM. The moon was setting when I left, big and bright and the sky was clear. As I finished the run and was walking back to the apartment, the sky in the east was getting lighter and turning colors that might inspire easter eggs.

And I felt a thousand percent better. I don’t know why, it just happened, and for that I’m thankful.

Have a good Friday, y’all.

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home alone

It has been a long day.

Emotional might begin to describe parts of it.

I need sleep and to not be spilling my thoughts all over the place. Tomorrow is another chance.

middle of the week

I don’t know why, but I’ve been feeling compelled to write more here. I don’t want to over-think it, it isn’t any great calling or anything like that. I just feel like sharing. And then I click on “add new post” and stare at the blank screen and totally forget whatever it was I came to write in the first place. Aren’t I great?

Here’s what I’m thinking about at the moment: Positive and negative energy. Some things fill me with positive energy, others seem very negative, sapping me of my energy and willpower. Of course some things are “good for you” and you would think they would give energy – getting a good night’s sleep, for example, eating right, exercising. And they do work. But what about the negative?

It is amazing, now that I’m paying attention, how much online drama just saps my energy. It isn’t even anything important! (Usually). Just reading something can make me laugh or set my blood boiling or somewhere in between.

Here’s an example: There is a local forum here that talks about, strangely enough, local things. The weather, schools, traffic, places to shop. On purpose I have never created an account on this forum, because I know it would become a huge time and energy suck for me to engage here, because (surprise) most of the time I think the people posting are wrong. Heh.

Some days it is really tempting. Right now there is an ongoing argument about whether a new restaurant charges too much. I told you this stuff isn’t important. One person after another has supported their position, giving examples. I sometimes picture the Peanuts characters waving their arms around, their mouths wide while shouting “BUT I LIKE THIS ONE BETTER, HERE IS A SCREEN SHOT OF THEIR MENU” or something. “For that price, I’ll just go eat at XX.” “But the quality…” etc.

Ha. Greater minds than mine have pointed out – investing energy in this type of exchange means there is less energy for other things. Getting worked up about bullshit will not benefit me in the slightest. And even if I could post the most absolutely convincing bit of information supporting my point of view, someone would still regard it as “wrong” (the same way I regard them as wrong) and they would post a rebuttal and it would just continue the cycle.

As the Dalai Lama says (I had to work him in here somehow, LOL), sometimes you just need to forget it and move on. Paraphrasing, of course. He would totally be on my side about the restaurant, I’m certain. So no, I won’t be joining the forum, and I’m actively trying to limit my time reading the other posts, since all it can do is make me weary.

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