It is indescribable the mix of emotions I feel watching my kids, who have been with me for the long weekend, get so excited that their mom is here to pick them up.
Have a good night, y’all. See you soon.
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Tags: single
I’ve been doing really well, I think. I have so many positive things happening, and I’m letting myself actually see the blessings I have instead of worrying about stuff I lack.
It’s a long road. But I think the right one. To “get it.” To understand more about me, to know the changes I need to make to truly be happy. There are many (oh so many).
Like I said, I’ve been doing well. Feeling positive. Tonight, however, the kids came over to swim. The first time they called I said no, I don’t feel like swimming tonight. I was sick the night before (I didn’t tell them this) and did not sleep and knew I was running low on energy. Then my daughter called back, and said “Daddy you don’t have to swim you can just watch us.”
I knew the right thing to do was to invite them over, let them swim for a while. So I did. And almost predictably, it did not go well. My oldest and I started bickering. Yeah, I know – I’m the grown up, I need to deal better with this. When it didn’t stop I simply took my ball and went home. Or in this case, declared they were done swimming for the night (an hour early) and said you need to leave now.
I’m not proud. Looking back hours later, I think I did it to avoid our bickering from escalating into a full blown fight. That seemed to be where it was headed. Why can’t I back away from him when we get into words? Why can’t I relax and just enjoy their company, and not inflict so much order upon them? (I do not tolerate what looks like bullying behavior, even if it’s a game, I will stop them from tormenting each other).
So on the plus side, I’m doing better. On the minus side, I have a long way to go. Celebrate the victory, right?
I’ve never been very good at dancing; it’s time I learn.
Tags: single
It’s Friday, and the kids came over tonight.
All of them.
We went swimming for a while, we played video games, they ate just about everything that I had in the fridge. No drama, no trauma, just kids being kids. Around 10 my oldest said he wanted to call Mom and make sure she was OK. I told him I’m sure she’s fine. Probably enjoying the quiet.
They eventually curled up in various places and went to sleep. Leaving me to sit here and ponder life as I know it. Think about the choices I have made.
I want to think this is going to work. That we can all be happy.
I want to believe.
Tags: single
One thing I’ve observed, and I think I’ve even written about it already, is that everything I have is now suddenly new! and exciting! for my children. Well, not the oldest, he’s too cool to be excited about anything to do with his old man, but the other two cannot get enough.
I live upstairs, now. This gives endless possibilities – they can climb the stairs two or three steps at a time, or go halfway down and try and jump the rest of the way (concrete, OUCH). They can throw things down to someone below.
“Your refrigerator has an icemaker in it!” OK, please, the one we’ve had at home for years gives you ice and/or water right through the door. But because this fridge has a little icemaker in the freezer it’s new! and exciting!
One thing I certainly didn’t expect is their reaction to my old record collection. A box of records that have been gathering dust in a closet for many years, since we switched to CDs and ultimately to using mp3 players for just about everything. My kids are better at finding songs on youtube than I am. It’s what they know. And yet they are fascinated looking at the albums.
I have a record player and taught the kids how to work it. No, there isn’t a pause button. 
Now every visit they want to sort through the albums, pick one, and put it on to listen to it. Of course, the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon is also going at the same time, they are masters of attention deficit multitasking.
Here we dance to the Clash. With backing vocals by Big Time Rush. They are learning something else about living upstairs – if you dance too hard, the record skips.
Tags: apartment life, single, The Clash