I’ve been doing really well, I think. I have so many positive things happening, and I’m letting myself actually see the blessings I have instead of worrying about stuff I lack.

It’s a long road. But I think the right one. To “get it.” To understand more about me, to know the changes I need to make to truly be happy. There are many (oh so many).

Like I said, I’ve been doing well. Feeling positive. Tonight, however, the kids came over to swim. The first time they called I said no, I don’t feel like swimming tonight. I was sick the night before (I didn’t tell them this) and did not sleep and knew I was running low on energy. Then my daughter called back, and said “Daddy you don’t have to swim you can just watch us.”

I knew the right thing to do was to invite them over, let them swim for a while. So I did. And almost predictably, it did not go well. My oldest and I started bickering. Yeah, I know – I’m the grown up, I need to deal better with this. When it didn’t stop I simply took my ball and went home. Or in this case, declared they were done swimming for the night (an hour early) and said you need to leave now.

I’m not proud. Looking back hours later, I think I did it to avoid our bickering from escalating into a full blown fight. That seemed to be where it was headed. Why can’t I back away from him when we get into words? Why can’t I relax and just enjoy their company, and not inflict so much order upon them? (I do not tolerate what looks like bullying behavior, even if it’s a game, I will stop them from tormenting each other).

So on the plus side, I’m doing better. On the minus side, I have a long way to go. Celebrate the victory, right?

I’ve never been very good at dancing; it’s time I learn.