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Scott, if your life had a face, I would punch it.

March 8, 2012 in Mindfulness, Personal by Ben

One of those strange things that occurred to me recently is how much I fucking love Scott Pilgrim. This came to me while I was running the other morning.

(I need to warn you here that some of what I write may spoil the movie for you. So if you haven’t, go watch it, then come back)

Because Scott is on a journey, too. He thought he knew what he wanted, he went through the motions, he started feeling like a victim or pawn. He got pissed off about how things were going. He struggled to get a handle on things, and in spite of all that he has gone through, ends up losing Ramona to Gideon.

So a desolate landscape evocative of a “Game Over” screen signifies the lowest point of the story, where Scott is at his weakest and most vulnerable. An Extra Life signifies a resurgence of willpower, and a Sword signifies the driving emotional force. These symbols come together to form a cohesive narrative: weakness, debilitation, doubt, followed by deep introspection, followed by a sudden realization, followed by a resurgence of will, followed by a triumphant return.

Scott felt defeated, down. Lost.

And then, in his darkest hour, he got back up.

In the end, Scott learns a lot about himself and his world, and he ends up doing something about it. He not only earns the power of love, he earns the power of self-respect. The fact that ‘earning’ something in his video game-ish world is a great metaphor for truly learning it in life is part of why I love this movie.

And I thought I was just making up bullshit but then I saw this cool article and it covers the exact same thing. That’s where I grabbed the quote in the box to the right.

Around two or three months ago, around Thanksgiving and Christmas, I don’t know I could have felt much worse. It seemed like rock bottom, I saw my version of the “Game Over” screen. It was a very dark and lonely time. No, I didn’t get an extra life symbol, and didn’t acquire a flaming sword (that would have been really cool, though). I learned that good friends are hard to find. I figured out which friends I could ultimately lean on and was very surprised. It wasn’t like I expected, but I did finally (to keep with my bad analogy) ‘level up.’

That’s behind me, now. I still have challenges, I still need to defeat my NegaScott. I’m looking ahead and hoping to level up again. Maybe it’s nearing the time for my triumphant return.

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Positively silly

June 16, 2011 in Personal by Ben | 2 comments

Enough with the whining! The drama! The “woe is me!”

Here are some good things:

I have run 8 miles since Sunday morning, including 2 miles each of the last two days. I did strength training on Wednesday. I’m eating healthy foods (but maybe not enough) and drinking copious amounts of water. I’ve lost 7 pounds so far in June (stress, anyone?).

I found an apartment within walking distance of the house. It is not a scary crackhouse. My neighbors (for now) are extremely quiet. My kids are (a little too) excited about it, mostly because there is a pool and lots of steps on the sidewalk to jump on.

I managed to move in 100 degree heat, thanks to my kids’ help. My apartment is functional, if not very comfortable yet. Meaning I have food, a means to cook the food, towels, a wine opener, things like toilet paper and a hairbrush, etc. I may not have a trash can or much furniture in the living room, but I can be presentable when I get to work and I won’t starve. I have internet access and a TV so the kids won’t be too bored when they visit.

not sure everyone agrees with this

It’s time to get busy living.

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pushing on

June 16, 2011 in Quotes by Ben

I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy livin’ or get busy dyin.’

and

[T]hey bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let ‘em crash.

or

“You know,” said Arthur, “it’s at times like this, when I’m trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I’d listened to what my mother told me when I was young.”

“Why, what did she tell you?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t listen.”

and finally

“Life,” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.”

When I’m stressed, my brain seems to default to either music or movie quotes. Guess which one it is this evening.

PS: I thought it was raining, but apparently it’s just a water feature (also known as the irrigation system here) that is malfunctioning. Goodnight, y’all.

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Progress, not perfection

March 15, 2011 in Fat Guy by Ben | 3 comments

Since it’s my place, I’m gonna talk about, um, me. Just for a touch, and then I’ll get back to music videos and jokes and funny cartoons I find out on the interwebs.

I’ve been working pretty hard to lose weight. OK, on my scale I’m working “pretty hard.” I haven’t signed up for a boot camp or the Biggest Loser or anything, mostly because I’m on a budget so there just isn’t an opportunity. Also because my schedule has to remain freakishly flexible sometimes and if there’s anything I dislike more than paying for a class that I may or may not be able to afford, it’s paying for a class I may or may not be able to afford and then not being able to attend because of a sick child or a soccer practice or something. So, I’ve been pretty much solo (along with the fine support at SparkPeople, who are fine folks indeed).

This means my progress has been pretty slow, heh.

I know this sounds like an elaborate excuse for being heavy, but it’s not, I’m just rambling about what I’ve been doing. So here’s the progress: Since last April I have gone from 289 pounds to 257. I now lift weights three days a week and walk around 6 miles a week, spread out over several days. With spring weather and better conditioning my walks are getting longer, too. Since last June I’ve dropped five inches from both my waist and hips and two inches from my thighs (replacing fat with manly muscles, I’m so sure).

Progress I have left to go: sixty pounds and about another five inches each from waist and hips. I don’t know any other measurements, let’s just say ‘proportional’ and leave it at that. So at this rate it’ll take another two years. At the end I just want to be fit and healthy. You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.

Now what I’m not sure about is why I feel like writing about this today. I think it’s because I’m feeling stronger in so many ways, but still have such a very long way to go. Not just physically but emotionally and in my relationships. Maybe that can be another post at another time.

I need to remind myself once in a while that it’s a journey. A very. long. journey.

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