the term is haunted

It has been six years since I royally fucked things up in my marriage and my life. Almost five since the damage control really kicked in.

Six years ago I moved out of my home and into a little apartment to (hahaha it would be funny except it’s not) to find myself and start, uh, something. Nothing good, apparently. I did manage to blow up the family in spectacular ways. I managed to learn some brutal lessons about human nature and modern relationships. I made a friend or two that are still speaking to me.

After that missing year, much bullshit, and a few months of therapy, my wife agreed that I could come back. The divorce I thought was inevitable never came to fruition. We have moved on in a lot of ways in the time since. I think in a few areas we are forever stuck. I can’t just pretend this didn’t happen, nor pretend it isn’t my fault.

Eventually the ghosts will get bored and wander off, right?

Musical cues

They say that listening to a piece of music can bring back memories and emotions that you felt when you heard it previously. And no, I don’t know exactly who “they” is in this case, I’ve just read stories about it.

I can’t believe that you need my love so bad
You come sneaking around, trying to drive me mad
Busting in all my dreams, making me see things I don’t want to see

Today I was listening to music streaming and decided to put on Judas Priest. This all started because I read a comment that Iron Maiden (still playing, whoda thunk it) uses cables on their guitars instead of a wireless rig. Listened to number of the beast, then found some Priest. Now I cannot recall the last time I listened to Hell Bent for Leather in it’s entirety, but if I close my eyes I can remember the group of friends I was with when we first listened to it. I think I’m going to spin the Scorpions next.

I grab my things and make my run
On the way out, another one
Would like to know before I stop
Did I make it or did I flop
Don’t want to find out
Just want to get out