Yeah, there’s this whole blog thing sitting here and I never seem to be using it.

Guess what? Go ahead, guess.

I’ll give you a hint: I’m sick (again) of being a lard ass (still).

That’s right! It’s time for a new exercise / fitness plan. Probably the 42nd time I’ve started one. Or so.

(we pause while I do something useful for a bit)

Okay, am back.

Here’s the deal on my latest attempt to rid myself of a lard-ass. I need to start hitting the street again (running), and I bought a stability ball.

Yes, you read that right. When you’re done laughing, we’ll continue.

(still waiting)

Okay, had your fun? Now, I bought the ball (“Gold’s Gym” brand) because, I’m not making this up, it is an “anti-burst” ball, and well, I’m up to the challenge, I think. (and yeah, I’m 30 pounds over the maximum weight to use it, so what’s your point?)

It came with a giant poster showing exercises (which I’ve already misplaced) and a DVD featuring a young woman that could probably break me in half showing some stretches and a basic workout.

The other day I put in the DVD. The stretching portion damn near killed me, but we got through it. (I say “we” because I have kids, and it is endlessly amusing to them to watch their old man work out with The Ball. “Shamu, Shamu!” they will shout randomly, and clap politely when I get a trick right).

Next, there’s a 30 minute workout. Some exercises are easy. For instance, I did the squats with nary a problem (hold the ball, squat, stand up). On the other hand, the reverse lunges were almost the death of me, and about the only reason I made it through was my bad form combined with the fact that if I held the ball up in the air like they wanted me too I would have smashed it into the ceiling fan.

The young lady on the video is outside. On a golf course or something. No ceiling fan.

Somewhere in between is the crunches and something where I lay on my stomach (which isn’t really that easy to do) and put the ball behind my legs. And (my kids will vouch for this), you haven’t lived until you see me try and do the Cobra on a stability ball. Oh hells yes, I will learn some balance, or break something, one.

Ultimately, I survived my first brush with the stability ball. It stays in the living room, near the playstation, and the kids have fun rolling around on it while shooting aliens or whatever. But tonite – I’m going to try another workout. If you don’t hear from me, I’m probably in traction somewhere.